New Year, New Script, New Music

It’s a new year…goal-setting time!

My resolution for last year was to record and release a full-length album, and I got off to a good start, tracking much of it in mid-January 2023. Then, life happened. We buried Andrew’s precious Mamaw. We continued our journey with Lyme disease and its long-term effects. Our kids started 5th and 2nd at a new school. We had joys and challenges in ministry and relationships. 2023 was a great year - one of the sweetest we have experienced as a family. But in the midst of it all, the record didn’t meet every arbitrary deadline that I’d made for it, and even though my team created a new (and better!) strategy for releasing it, I still secretly felt like a failure. After all, I’ve been working on this album for over a year - I should be able to check it off the list!

This is what my therapist calls a “negative script.” I’m learning that a lot of my life has been spent with them lurking around, living rent-free in my mind, shaping my thoughts and the way I see myself. It is tough for me to recognize and name them because they are sneaky:

“It’s a lot of work with little payoff to release music in the streaming era,”

“120,000 new songs are released daily - what’s the point? Why add to the sonic chaos?”

“I’m not willing to hustle every day on the socials, so there’s no way for people to know about what I’m creating.”

“I’m 40 now - maybe I’ve missed my chance.”

-or the big one-

“I never succeed at any of my goals - maybe I should just stop trying.”

Ugh. NOT a helpful way to live a creative, whole-hearted life.

Thankfully, part of my journey of 2023 was beginning to learn that simply naming the scripts - recognizing them for what they are - is kindness to myself. I’m slowly learning to put to death those negative scripts by naming what is true:

“The arbitrary deadlines I tend to give myself are just that - arbitrary.”

“I DID finish the record - we just have a new release schedule that enables me to tell the stories behind these songs in a more effective way.”

“I released a couple of singles with Middlebrook Music in 2023 that I’m so proud of, with much more to come this year.”

“Gentle Gardener (the first single from the album and my most personal release so far) hit streaming services in October.”

“I’m releasing a new song that I am so excited about in just a few weeks.”

-and the one I’m still learning to believe-

“My worth is not defined by what I accomplish.”

All this to say - my resolution this year is more abstract than ever before. Continuing to uncover and name the negative scripts isn’t easy, but the freedom and joy I know it will bring is worth it.

Cheers to 2024, friends. Blessings to all of you as you do the deep, hard, and holy work of healing and growing.